The End
by xPinkx
Summary: I have rewritten part of the Chapter, The End from New Moon from Edward's pov. All characters and dialogue belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Please review.


Come walk with me' I said

Author's note: This is my 3rd fanfic, and the first one I've done from Edward's pov, so it's kind of an experiment. Now that I've written it, I think I prefer making up my own dialogue, like it did with my previous fanfics. Still, I hope you like it; if you do please review, it will encourage me too keep writing.

Edit: I have now edited it to improve it (I hope)

**The End**

"Do you mind if I come over today?" I knew her answer already.

"Of course not."

"Now?" I asked, allowing my urgency to slip into my voice. I could see that she picked up on it.

"I was just going to drop a letter for Renée in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."

"I'll do it" I said, my voice subdued. "And I'll still beat you there." I needed this time.

I smiled, but it was not genuine. I wondered if I would ever give a genuine smile again. Then I turned quickly and walked to my car. It was lucky that my back was facing her so that she couldn't see my face.

I looked at the letter before putting it in the mailbox, tracing over the indentations her handwriting made on the envelope. I wondered if there was any point to posting it; Most of its contents would soon become untruthful. I turned, leaning back against the mailbox and my mind wandered, winding back to last night. It had been last time I would ever hold Bella asleep in my arms. The last proper kiss I would ever share with her; I had been desperate to never let her go. She had asked me which was more tempting to me; her blood or her body and I had answered truthfully… it was a tie.

Against my will, my memories meandered into a sort of montage of the too-short time Bella and I had spent together, and taunted me that it was about to end. I usually had such control; over my body, my reactions, my thoughts. I looked up to the sky as if expecting to find answers there. I guess I must have found something there because I swiftly shoved the letter in the mailbox and then drove quickly to her house.

There was something I needed to do. Taking the key from under the eave I let myself in although I could just as easily have jumped up and entered her window; but somehow it felt even more intrusive now. I was up the stairs in a blur.

I collected all her presents, everything that had been touched by my presence, including the cd of my recordings I had given her. She had been touched by that gift. I didn't want to take it but I couldn't leave any reminders. I was going to take them with me but I stopped. I had a strong urge to leave some part of me with her, even though she could not know. During the many times I had walked over her floorboards, I had sensed that one of them was loose, and so I pulled it up.

I opened her photo album to take out the picture of me and her, only to discover that she had folded it over, so that only I was showing. I felt disgust at myself, that I should make her feel so inadequate. I unfolded it so that I could see her angel face. Then I pushed the floorboard down over everything. There was no sign of any disruption. She would never know.

Maybe…maybe she would _feel_ it though, but just not understand the feeling. I knew that it was ridiculous. I wanted her to move on so I didn't want her to find her things but I wanted her to feel protected, safe, somehow by something she could not identify… even though I would no longer be able to make her feel these things. It was a contradiction but what I was doing was past making sense to me anymore. Now I suddenly understood why humans often turned to superstition when they felt vulnerable. Well I just…I wanted some part of a greater presence in the world to recognise the physical token of myself that I had left for her.

I stared for a moment at the floor board, and deeply inhaled the scent left by her previous presence in the room. I grabbed a pen that was lying on her floor and a sheet of paper from a notebook that was lying close to it. I didn't need to look at her writing to copy her style. I knew exactly what it looked like. I doubted if Charlie did but I didn't want to take a risk. _Going for a walk with Edward, up the path, _I wrote._ Back soon, B. _I put the pen in my pocket… I had to keep _something_ that she had touched and held. Then, faster than a flash of lightning I turned and was out the door.

I sat in my car, waiting for her to arrive. Seconds normally went so quickly I barely registered their passing but now they seemed to stretch out and last a lifetime; just when I didn't want them to. It was the first time I'd give anything _not_ to see her face, to see her walking towards me when I knew what I was going to have to do. The sides of my car seat were practically moulded the shape of my hands, I noticed. Slowly, I exited the car.

"Come for a walk with me." I carefully kept my voice devoid of emotion, but I automatically took her hand. I could feel her nimble fingers in mine, so fragile the smallest bit of pressure on my part could snap them. But it was effortless; I hardly had to think about it. I could see the barely concealed worry, confusion and…and fear, in her eyes. Not the fear that she should feel, the fear of the monster that I was but fear over why I had been keeping my distance, I was sure.

I didn't wait to hear her answer. Whatever she said I would still have to do this. She could only make it harder, if that was possible. I pulled her to the edge of the encroaching forest and then stopped. I did not want to lead her further into the woods; I didn't want to put her in danger. Yet, she was in danger now. Just because she was with me.

I could see that she was trying to read the expression on my face, in my eyes. I tried to keep my face controlled, composed but I couldn't be sure of what she saw there.

"Okay, let's talk" she said. Her eyes held mine.

I took a deep breath. I needed it, to steady myself. I could hear my voice coming from my mouth, but it didn't sound like me. It sounded alien. I was already one mythical creature; this was too much to handle.

"Bella, we're leaving".

I watched her expression, taking in every line of her face in a moment. It was not as I expected, and difficult to read.

"Why now? Another year –"

She couldn't think…_No_. But yet the confusion was easy to read on her face.

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

I held my breath, waiting for her to realise. I didn't want to see the pain on her face, but I could not drag my eyes away from hers. I kept my emotion all inside; I had to give her a clean break. The only way I could stop the pain from showing was by reminding myself I had to do this, for her. I couldn't bear to see her hoping though, not when I had to tear her down. But I couldn't explain my words. Not yet.

"When you say _we –,_" she whispered.

"I mean my family and myself." There was the voice again. The one that was part of my cold, distant human charade, when I wasn't able to be myself. I said each word slowly and clearly. There could be no miscommunication. For her sake. She started shaking her head, as if she was expecting me to take back my words. If only she knew just how much I wanted to. How I would give anything to take them back if only I knew I could keep her safe. I watched, waiting for her to speak again.

"Okay," she said. "I'll come with you."

_Please Bella. You're breaking my heart._

But, I spoke automatically before my mind had really formed the words. I didn't want to listen to them, coming from my mouth, but I had to concentrate, be convincing. I only concentrated on my acting. If I thought about the meaning behind those words, or the pain her words caused me, I was not sure that I would be able to continue convincingly.

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you." At least the last bit was true. For her, not me. She shouldn't be in danger.

"Where you are is the right place for me."

Her voice rang with sincerity, with pleading, barely hiding the desperation behind them. It felt impossible not to give in. Impossible, like it had been to stop drinking her blood in Phoenix. But I had done that then.

"I'm no good for you, Bella." Oh, how true _that_ was.

"Don't be ridiculous," she retorted. "You're the very best part of my life."

Her eyes were wild, and her hair was being blown in the wind and framing her face. I desperately wanted to lean across, and brush her hair from her eyes, just to _touch_ her. She was so beautiful… but her words were so wrong. Why couldn't she see me for the monster I was? The monster who had dreamt of all the ways he would kill her when they had first met, a monster who couldn't even protect her from his own family, yet she still forgave him, still forfeited her life just to be with the abdominal creature that I was. Well, not anymore. How _could_ I be the best part of her life when she had nearly died, so many times, because of me?

Unwanted images of her lying broken in the hospital bed in Phoenix and the look on Jasper's face as he had writhed in want of her blood on her birthday, no recognition in his thoughts, wavered in my mind. I was a curse and she deserved better. Much, _much_ better. I remembered being angry once at thinking that she would end up with someone like Mike Newton. But really I should have been angry at myself for taking her when she did not belong to me; coveting her.

I had told her in Phoenix that I would not leave, but I had left a loophole. I had never really believed I could do it though…and even now the more I heard her sweet voice the more my resolve weakened, although I knew it would not break. My mind was made up, and even if I tried to talk myself out of it, it would make no difference. It was saying the words that was so hard.

"My world is not for you"

"What happened with Jasper – that was nothing, Edward! Nothing".

It _wasn't_ nothing. That couldn't be further from the truth. It had been the whole turning point and had woken me up to the horrible truth of what I must do.

"You're right" I agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected"

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay –"

"As long as that was best for you" I remembered truthfully. But I didn't want to remember.

"_No!_ This is about my soul isn't it?"

She was so willing to give up everything; her life, her _soul_; just for me. I couldn't let it happen. Not because of me. Not_ for_ me.

"Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already."

If only she knew the weight of those words.

I realised, then, that she wasn't about to give and like an electric shock to my dead heart it hit me what I had to say next. How I could make her let go. I stared at the ground. I couldn't look at her because her gaze pulled me to her. How could I ever walk away? I hadn't figured that part out yet. I couldn't let her see the war waging inside me. I had to find strength for what I knew I had to say next. I didn't know how I could say it; how I could lie so absolutely. Say the opposite of what the gravity of my existence was telling me to. My mouth twisted in protest of what I was requiring it to say. How I could lie and fight against what every part of me wanted to do; and yet manage to pull it off as the truth. I looked up to meet her gaze, my resolve hardening my eyes and heart. I just let go of my emotions, my heart, and did it what I had to.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

I watched her face, watched her comprehend exactly what I was saying. This surely must what it must feels like to know you are going to die; to know that everything is going to end. I couldn't live with this kind of pain. I did not believe I had a soul, but still I felt some part of my very essence fade away. She didn't answer straight away. I wondered what kind of pain I was causing her. I wished I could make it stop. I'd promised I'd never hurt her; but yet here I was, breaking that promise in a way I'd never imagined.

"You…don't… want me?" I couldn't bear to hear her echo those words back to me… couldn't bear to believe I had said them.

"No"

She gazed into my eyes, searching for some contradiction. I made sure that she found none.

"Well that changes things." A ripple of shock went through my body. She…she believed me. I'd told the ultimate lie, complete blasphemy, with not one ounce of truth…and she had believed me. All the times I'd told her I loved her, and meant it with all my dead and useless heart; meant it more truthfully than anyone could mean anything, and yet I'd seen doubt in her eyes. Then I'd dragged this lie through my protesting lips from the darkest depths of my being, fought inwardly against each word and…she believed me. The pain of this realisation was indescribable. But yet this was exactly what I wanted for her, surely. I had wanted her to have a clean break. I tried to find some thankfulness for this somewhere within me and to my relief I found some. A very little.

I looked away again, facing the trees like the coward I was. I couldn't let her see the truth in my eyes. "Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realise that its time for a change. Because I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human."

_Change_ didn't cover it. My life was over. I didn't let any sincerity seep into my voice, let her know how truthfully I meant the words, 'I'll always love you'. I just couldn't leave yet without saying those words disguised in some form one last time even if they couldn't mean to her what they meant to me. I said them as a human with little attachment might say; as a form of politeness, very nearly.

But, she believed now that I _didn't_ love her. '_In a way'_… if only I could say that that '_way_' was with every dead cell of my being. I had once believed myself to be dead, almost. But then I met her and I realised that I was just dormant, waiting to be woken. Now I truly knew what it felt like to be dead.

"I've let this go on for too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't." she whispered. "Don't do this."

"You're not good for me, Bella." Where I found these words, from I didn't know. They came from a different person. She was _too good_ for me.

"If that's what you want."

I nodded silently. I couldn't speak. There was nothing I could say to that that wouldn't be a contradiction to all that I had just told her.

"I would like to ask one favour, though, if that's not too much" I could see instantly that it wasn't. Her eyes showed her blind willingness to do whatever it was I would ask her; a last hope. So she was still hoping. My careful mask slipped for a moment and a flicker of pain and sadness shot across my face.

"Anything" she promised.

I couldn't keep the distant expression on my face. I had to make her listen. I gazed into her wide earnest to make her understand.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid" I ordered her. I saw that she read the seriousness in my voice, so I made it cool and even again. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself – for him."

She nodded. "I will."

I knew that I had visibly relaxed. I felt some weight lifted of my shoulders knowing that she would keep herself safe.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," I promise that this will the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

She looked as if she was going to faint but I would never be there to catch her again. Part of me wished I could experience the relief that losing consciousness would bring.

"Don't worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" she asked. She sounded like she was choking. I couldn't bear to see her suffer. But, somehow I had to. For… the greater good.

"Well" – I hesitated. I decided to tell a part truth. I couldn't stand the lies coating my tongue. "I won't forget. But _my_ kind… we're very easily distracted." That last bit was not true for me, only my kind. I had emphasised the '_my'_, trying to create distance, difference where I wished there was none. I kept my smile tranquil, though. I was doing the right thing. I was almost as sure of that as I was of my love for her. _This_ was because of _that_. I had been wrong before; there was some small part of this smile that could be genuine.

"That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

I saw her startled expression.

"Alice isn't coming back" she whispered to herself. I shook my head slowly.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" her voice was blank.

All this extra pain I had to cause her; taking away her best friend also. I wish I could be the only one to suffer… I should never have let it get this far. How could I have been so…_selfish_. Alice had wanted to talk to her but I hadn't let her because I knew what she'd say. She'd ruin everything I had just gone through. She'd tell Bella that I would come back. Well, she was wrong, and that wasn't fair on Bella.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

I knew it was time now.

"Goodbye Bella" I said calmly.

"Wait!" She reached out to me and I impulsively did the same. I could see her hope again for a second and that was inexcusable of me. I pulled her hands down to her sides, feeling the electrifying spark that came with touching her skin, yet I knew it was for the last time. The rest of my existence would be misery. I needed to kiss her one last time, but her sweet lips were forbidden to me now. I pressed my lips for the briefest moment to her forehead, taking advantage of my heightened senses and memory to make it last.

"Take care of yourself".

And so I walked away from my life.


End file.
